“I sculpted this mermaid myself when we had the roof renovated in the 90s, and I asked the carpenter if he could attach her under the eaves. Isn’t she great?”
—the old lady who sold me the farm.

I had a roof guy come to repair a damaged gutter today, and I was like “But don’t hurt the mermaid!” and he rolled his eyes and said yes, I know, the previous owner always told me the same thing, I know where your mermaid is.